For no clear reason, I thought today about how horrible it is not being able to poo.
Have no fear friends, I am as regular as Thomas the Tank Engine and I am thankful for it, but as I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed tonight I just couldn't help remembering a time when my bowels weren't exactly cooperative.
This past summer I suffered from a raging case of the stomach flu. Boy did I suffer, and boy was it raging. I thought that I had sustained serious injury (although I had done nothing injurous), or perhaps I had contrated an early case of the Avian Bird Flu I keep hearing so much about. Alas, my assumptions were wrong and I was "simply suffering from a common stomach virus". Rather than bothering to explain the concept of oxymoron to the doctor at the Grand River Emergency Room, I accepted my fate and begged him for a cure or at least a placebo, tic tacs, anything!
It truly is the worst kind of sick/suck (that I've experienced so far in life) when you have anything that prohibits you from pooing. You don't realize what a delight it is being able to have a nice poo every now and again until that privilege is taken away.
Some of you might be saying "but Sherry, everyone thinks that they are 'SO sick' when they are actually feeling crappy (or not), however they are usually just caught up in feeling kinda bad at the moment". Trust me, when you are the worst kind of sick that you've ever been you remember. Mono was bad because my throat hurt, I couldn't eat and I was bored. Throwing up after too much recreational drinking is terrible but after you chuck, the world seems slightly happier (minus the vomit in your hair) and less spinny - same goes for food poisoning. No one can tell me though, that they've ever been prohibitively-poo sick and had it not suck! Your entire intestinal track screams "WTF is going on?" and even the famed fetal position does no good. This continues ALL day, EVERY day, for DAYS!
You cannot fully understand unless you've been there (or been to worse - insert shout out to Sra). I would say that the most comparable horrific-ness for me was when I had my wisdom teeth removed, but that's only because they didn't give me any good drugs and the bastards neglected to tell me about the salt-water rinse technique - idiots!
Let this be a warning to ya'll.... treat your inner bum with love and respect at all times, because if she decides to shut down (much like the beloved TTC worker), everything else is going down with her.
Much love to my bum.
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3 comments:
I got some wicked good drugs for my wisdom teeth, I have never, ever, once felt more awesome than I did that day - not even when I got my Gamecube.
Sadly the importance of rinsing with salt water was impressed upon my Mother and I had to suffer through that, though probably for the better.
Oh the stories I could tell...
Ew. Wait.
But I won't.
It's good that you appreciate ol' bowel-y though. You should treat yourself to a bran muffin filled with raisins and nuts.
[I did the salt water thing as well, as my mother's father was quite convinced it was a cure-all. However, I was also the only one of my friends who didn't bruise and felt fine after a day or two, so who knows?]
Jesus motherfucking Christ, McKever...I thought I'd stumbled on to Tudor's blog for a second.
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